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At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: “I have to go to work—as a human being. What do I have to complain of, if I’m going to do what I was born for—the things I was brought into the world to do? Or is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm?”
—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
So I gave Marcus Aurelius's recommendation here a try this morning. Lying in bed under the covers and not wanting to get up, I asked myself, "Is this what you were born to do?"
"No, but what else am I going to do?" Oof! That was a gut punch. I don't know that I've ever more acutely felt a lack of purpose in my life than at that moment.
It used to be that I would have been able to answer that question with "No, I have to go to work and help my coworkers." But at the moment I'm unemployed. Meaning that answer is not available to me.
I ended up deciding to get up, get dressed, and to try to take a moment and see if I can find a way to answer that question that isn't quite as brutal on myself. Answering that question may not be "the thing I was brought into the world to do," but it will have to suffice for this morning.
A bit later, with some caffeine in my system, I decided to have a bit of a conversation with myself.
"So, what is your purpose in life?"
"I don't know. But I would like to make the world a better place than it currently is. I don't need to do that in a big way—a little way will suffice."
"Okay, that's nice, but it doesn't exactly have an action with it, does it?"
"No, I guess it doesn't. I used to rely on work for that."
"Well that's not available, is it?"
"Thanks for reminding me. So what do you suggest?"
"Well, if the part of work you liked was helping your coworkers, then is there someone else you can help at the moment?"
"[My daughter's] car has been acting up a bit. I could go check on it before she has to leave for school."
"That will work."